I've officially decided to write everything that I want into a list. So if I see something online, it goes on the list. If I desperately need something that is superrr cute and cheap, is goes on the list. I am ceasing all future purchases and I have made myself a promise to only allow myself to get all the things I want when I reach my goal weight. It's only day one of gyming and my list is already sky high.
After a lot of pushing and motivation and other doubtful people, I decided to join a gym but not without spending a shit load of money. I figure it's for a good reason and hopefully I get my money's worth. I had to first buy a pair of sport shoes since I had none whatsoever. I mean nothing. I have no runners or trainers etc. So I spent $210 on a pair of new Nike sports shoes. Then I had to pay for a gym membership and access card and the first week. Another $75 gone. Then I had to buy a beach towel since apparently bath towels are unacceptable and embarrassing lol. Beach towels are ridiculously expensive, does not make sense to me but what ever. I paid $29 for a microfiber towel. After spending all this money, I am fully motivated to not let it go to waste. The stingy asian within me is yelling at me.
I asked my brother if he thinks I should join a gym and he replied without a second of thought with 'hell no' I asked why and he's said it's because I have no commitment. I intend to prove him wrong. I was so enraged. There's a part of me that believes him and he's not entirely wrong. I'm not one to stick to something. But I need to stick to this!!! I HAVE to.
I think the hardest thing is dealing with the food. My parents shove food down me all the time and I am surrounded by negativity and a history of failure. It's not like I haven't tried to lose weight before. I just always seem to crumble under temptation. My parents don't help either. Every time I say I wanna lose weight and cut back on the food, their tones are laces with negativity. They basically say that I shouldn't even try because I will just fail. Last time I tried to join a gym and I told my parents about it, well lets just say very soon after like the next day I had to revoke my membership.
So not only am I battling my cravings and temptation and a history of fat build up, I also have to hide the fact that I am gyming and somehow fight them on every food they offer. It's difficult because every time I say no, my mum seems to find offense in it. She's legit crazy. Also I have to wash my gym clothes and towel without her know but she does the washing EVERY DAY. I don't know how I'm going to hide this from her but I know if I wanna keep this going I have to keep it a secret. I really need to move out and get my own place. GG.
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