Tinder

This forever alone gal has joined the band wagon of online dating. Ughhh I can't help but cringe every time. The very thought of even putting myself out there like that horrifies me. Partly because I have this perception that I'm too good for this and yes I am aware of how pretentious and snoody that sounds but its the truth. Another part of me feels like most online dating sights are swarming with perverts and seedy creepos. I mean come on guys, if a guy was really dateable then why would he need online help. I guess it goes back to the whole idea that typically when you like someone they are in some way unavailable.
I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I was adamant on never joining the lonely singles gathering, at least not so early on in my youth. So adamant that I continually mocked it to my girlfriends. I'm a hypocrite, great! I believe in and I still do, meeting people the old fashioned way. And its exactly that, meeting them and not some creepy bullshit of 'liking' someone behind a screen. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm still young and even though I haven't been blogging much lately and I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth (you can thank university and the wealth of knowledge I continually *cough* gain *cough* for that), I still get out and socialise and kinda, sorta, not really in a super long time meet new people. I like to think that I still have options and that I don't have to resort or rely on technology to finding me a match.
Either way I downloaded the app Tinder. I have evaded this for sometime now. My friend seemed like she was benefiting much from it and she was raving on and on. She was relentless in pestering me to join, almost like cult people that have been brainwashed or jehovah's witnesses, same thing (*disclaimer* Sorry if I offended anyone, completely intended to be a joke). I was able to elude this because of the constant work load (thanks again uni) and my friend had told me how distracting it was. I'm definitely a sucker for distractions and shiny things. If procrastination could be my middle, first, and last name, well i'd probably also never get through the paper work to change my name. So I kept telling her that I didn't need any extra distractions and I promised her that I would get the app as soon as I finished all my assignments. Well my last assignment, ever! by the way, was yesterday. The same friend came over to my house tonight for a movie marathon. Over cheerleading, spirit fingers, and ridiculously good looking actors (I blame Bring it on: in it to win it Michael Copon *drool*) she reminded of the app.
So ladies and gentlemen, as of tonight I am part of the online dating world. But in my head I like to think that its not exactly online dating :/ just give me the benefit of the doubt. I quickly got a hang of it and it was well... interesting. I guess the idea of rejecting people is kinda mean but I quickly got over that and soon enough I was flicking through, rejecting without a blink of hesitation. But when it came to 'liking' someone. Well let's just say that it felt like you were putting yourself on the edge of a cliff. Literally a cliff hanger. You didn't know if that person was gonna like you back or not. Or what if they're weird. Or what if you guys don't get alone. Or what if you have nothing to talk about. You might as well jump off that cliff. I had come across a select few of guys that I thought were cute but then I would convince myself out of pressing that button. Finally I did it! I pressed the button. And the first thing that came up was that we were a match. What does that even mean?! I was so confused. Does that happen every time you like someone? (if only it was like that in real life) I didn't dare test out this theory. One like was enough for tonight. So I googled it and apparently it means that they like you back and you can start talking. As opposed to you liking them and they don't reciprocate but you can still contact them, this method weans out the weird awkward moments. So I was briefly relieved to know the guy I 'liked' 'liked' me back. But then I got to thinking. When you go into their profile it shows when they were last active. This guy was last active 15hours prior. I had only had the app for 3-4 hours. Therefore he couldn't have 'accepted' me. I have determined that this app is only making me more neurotic and that is definitely not something I need help adding to.
Well day one of the tinder experiment, all I can say is I really didn't know what I was getting myself into.

♥ Happy Birthday WenWen!!! ♥

July 10th, a date that I've had to use all my will power to remember. WenWen's birthday!!! Woohoo! My dearest friend turned 20 this last week and it was a big transition for her. 20 is a big deal. Everyone (Westerners at least) treats 21 as this huge thing mainly because you are legally considered an adult, at least in the eyes of the government you are. But for most Asians 20 is the huge stepping stone to adulthood. You are free from the title of teen and you gain a bunch load more responsibilities. You even sound more mature when you say you're 20 compared to 19. 

Anyway, in celebration of her birthday we had dinner and I attempted to have a cute wish making session for her.

 There's the beautious birthday girl!

Nomnomnom! I got the all day breakfast because I think dinner is the best time to eat breakfast, seriously! Haha. Birthday girl got the sirloin steak and we shared duck spring rolls that seemed to be lacking in duck. For beverages we opted for a non-alcoholic option. I had the chocolate martini which was heaven in your mouth and WenWen got a strawberry kiss.

Of course we had a selfie sesh in my car. 

And then we had on ugly off. Basically the point of our ugly offs is to see who can make the ugliest face haha usually we do this via Snapchat so they'd be no evidence of this horrendous competition, no joke it gets that intense. We don't puss foot around. We mean business. We be some ugly bitches. Anyway I promised not to upload this 'live' ugly off on Facebook but I didn't say anything about my blog haha. Enjoy! And don't judge lol 

After our pretty...ugly sesh, WenWen wanted to make a birthday wish. No one should make a wish without the ceremonial blowing of candles. So we went an purchased some candles, a lighter and a cupcake. 

Happy Birthday my dearest WenWen! ♥

Exams exams examsss!!!

For a change this post will not be about exams. I thought I'd confuse you with the title. You just got trolled haha. Anyway this post is actually to tell you about my next post. Even more confusing. I just received a shipment of skin care products; Michael Todds to be exact, I purchased about a week or two ago. I tried it out today and I already love the stuff.  Ive heard really good things about this brand and all the youtube gurus rave about it. I wanna use it for a bit longer to see how my skin reacts to it. And when I've given it a good few days of trial-ing, I'll do a full in-depth review :) I wish I could do more of a first impressions post but unfortunately I am in exam mode so this post will have to wait until after my exams. I did however take a study break today to take some pics of the products and have a mini pamper sesh. Anyway back to study mode now. Good luck to everyone else in exam week. Just keep percervering!!! I believe in you and so does Ryan Gosling ;) 

Opening up

Truly opening up to someone about your deepest and darkest secrets is, I believe, one of the hardest things. The fear of judgement, disappointment, and the unknown is absolutely distressing. When you don't get the reaction you want, you constantly think about that moment over and over again. You think about how you could of explained it better, you think about what you said and if it is something you should be ashamed of, you think about what the other person is thinking. It never really leaves your mind. Opening up and letting someone else know something about myself is and has always been a huge leap of faith for me. Today I did just that. I took a leap of faith and I trusted the people I was telling. My heart was pumping so hard and I could feel this nervous lump in my throat. The fear that perhaps they wouldn't believe me and think I was seeking attention was my first thought then I jumped to the thought that if I told them right now, they would forever think of me that way. But I told them something I've never told anyone in my entire life... not really. I once tried to tell my best friend but I never really said it out loud and we never really delved deeper into it. It was just like an acknowledgement thing. I don't think she knows to what extend. And I honestly don't think she really cared all that much. I think that's what hurt the most. That I put myself out there in a vulnerable position, only feel hollow and forever judged. I felt like I was completely exposed and as I attempting to explain myself and fully open up, she kinda stopped me and told me she knew... like it was obvious. I became so fearful and I still am to this day, like everyone can see that I'm broken and messed up. But mostly I believe that no one really knows the truth. I think everyone thinks that I'm strong and I'm happy and I don't have a care in the world and everything is sunshine and roses. And I would like people to believe that. But I think in that way, nobody is really there for me. I feel like I have too keep up this image and no one can know that I'm really effing messed up.
When I opened up today to two girls that I love dearly but I haven't been friends with long, I received copious amounts of love and support. I had someone to share my feelings and issues with. I had someone to talk to. I felt like a little bit of weight was lifted off my chest. Like I didn't have to bare the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore.  And I wasn't alone. And I feel like I'm getting better at recognizing my true friends. It honestly is true what they say about friend. There are plenty of good friends, true friends are the ones that are hard to find.

At this stage you are probably wondering what I'm actually talking about.... Even though you probably think it's about assignments and exams, since that is literally the only thing I've been talking about for months now. It's surprisingly not. It's something much worse and troubling. I don't think I'm quite ready to tell the internet my deepest and darkest secret. And I honestly don't think I ever will be. But I strive to be a success story. I am working at becoming less messed up. I just want to let everyone else out there and all my friends who read this space, I hope that you all find the courage to let someone know something about yourself that you are finding hard to keep to yourself. I've been wanting to tell someone for years now but the fear just terrified me so much that bottling it up and dealing with it myself was all I knew how to do. I never thought letting another person know was actually the best thing I could have ever done. I feel like I've made a positive impact on myself. I really encourage those who are struggling and really want to tell someone but they are afraid, to just go and do it. Tell a loved one, tell someone in the same boat, tell a professional, or even a stranger. Who knows how they will react. And honestly their reaction shouldn't be your biggest concern, what they do afterwards should be. I really don't need someone to cure me or help me with my problems. I just need someone to talk to and listen to me. You can't plan and control everything in your life, so when you tell someone something BIG you have to be a bit forgiving if they don't react the way you want them to. Give them some time to process everything. And if they're still a fucking bitch about it then cut them out of your life. You don't need that negativity and someone weighing you down. I guess that's why it's called a leap of faith. Take the leap! You never know, you might end up on the other side.

I would like to leave you with this song. I heard it for the first time today when I was driving home and it really spoke to me. It's not like all my problems went away or it was a huge revelations. It was just a nice song. And for people who feel more comfortable seeking a divine source for guidance, then this song might be something you would like to listen to. I just really like the beat lol

That is all for today my lovelies!!! I will converse with you in a future time period.
♡X♡X

FREE... dom?

Uh not quite just yet. Though I've been freed(?) free-ed... from the trials and tribulations, the pain and agony, the blood, sweat and tears, the hardship and sorrow... you get the point. Just the overall shittiness of assignments. I think you know how much crap that's been going on. Literally assignments after the next. And honestly it's not my fault I wasn't on top of everything. I had to ask for extensions for EVERY single one of my assignment. Oh EXCEPT for one. The one that started it all. The one that ruined my entire semester. It was the one that I focused all my attention and which caused me to neglect me other studies and assessment pieces and to top it all off, I didn't even get a great mark. I got 62/100. Barely even a credit. Absolutely terrible. And why you ask did I put all my energy into this assignment. Well I'll tell you why. Because someone I thought I could depend on and count on let me down. I don't give a bloody rats ass if she who shall not be named even reads this. Maybe then she'll actually give a fuck. This assignment was a group assignment. Why they chose to give us a group assignment in third year is beyond me. Fucking crappy and ridiculous. I don't want to damage my graduate position because others couldn't get their shit together. Anyway, I went with two other friends and because the group need to consist of 6 people we had to have someone else added in to kinda be closer to 6. All together we had 4 girls which was already a small group. The other girl I later found out was in second year so I'm sure she was living in happy second year land where everything is still a fairy tale and magical fairy dust and unicorns exist while I was living in reality aka a pit of fiery hell also known as struggle street. Anyway this girl had no fucking consideration whatsoever to the rest of the group. I didn't even meet her until we were three weeks into the assignment. And even then she didn't do anything. She made absolutely no fucking contribution to the group. When confronted with our issues and concerns she turned it around on us saying that we didn't try to work with her. When in fact we had arranged MULTIPLE meetings with her to suit her 'busy schedule' and she'd just text us last minute making up excuses like 'I have a work meet' oh I'm fucking sorry, I never knew work meetings take all fucking day you whore. After that I wanted to inform our lecturer and have her removed from our group. But the other girl from the group wanted to give her another chance and asked her to write a paragraph for us which took her the longest century to write. Eventually the timing went awry and we didn't end up kicking her off or reporting her. But that is one issue I've semi let go. My biggest issue is with the other girl in the group. My friend was dealing with her own issues and I fully understand that. I mean I get it, I really do. I don't think it's actually unheard of that people go through shit in they're life. I've been through a fuck load of shit. More than I like to divulge, maybe at another time that isn't 3 in the morning. I don't think it's totally unreasonable for me to expect that she not let her shit affect a group assignment. If we ask you to do something you should do it to the best of your abilities. And she definitely did not do that. I was rewriting everything she produced. It was all shit. That's me being blatantly honest.  So not only was me and my other friend having to pull the leg work of some fuck wit we didn't even know, we had to support my other friend who wasn't with it. Eventually she couldn't handle it anymore and made a dramatic get away escape and dropped out of the course and left everything behind in an instant. I'm not exaggerating when I say it was dramatic. I'm not going to go into the details of her departure because that's her business but I will say that it was all very dramatized. She didn't even really tell anyone the core reason behind what caused a certain reaction which caused her 'cant handle' moving to another state. That was all good for her, to be able to get away from it all. I'm slightly envious. I really wish that I could just get away. But I'm more so pissed off. She left! And me and my friend were left to do an assignment that was originally meant for 6 people, was now left for just us to do. 2 people in 1 week. We did it but I took all our concentration on the one assessment piece. Which now leads us back to my original predicament of falling behind. In all honestly, I can't really blame anyone but myself. I like to think that other people such as my friend played a part in it but ultimately it comes down to me and if I'm really being honest, there were many times I procrastinated, partied, and just wasted a lot of my time when I could have been doing my assignments. 

Anyway, even though I'm done with assignment for this semester, I've still got an uphill battle to face. I have exams to study for and though they're still a few week away, I've got to start preparing now. My mother is leaving to go to china to deal with some housing issues and she'll be gone for three weeks. Which means I have to help out at the family restaurant while she's away. So I won't have any time to study at night since I'll be taking the night shift. After two weeks my dad will be joining my mother which means during my exam block, I'll be all alone in the house. With the expecting of the dogs. Now I love my dogs but I hate taking care of them. And that's during holidays. I don't really want to look after two dogs during exams. Fully stressing already. I don't even wanna thinking about what I'm going to do about food. I may starve!? Lol jk! Look at me, I'll never starve haha. 

To top if off I just found out for placement next semester (placement is when I get to go on prac as a student nurse to hospitals and gain experience. No pay, full shift work and its Monday to Friday for 4 weeks) I'm on first and second block meaning it begins on the 1st of July. Let me out that into perspective for you. My last exam is on the 21st of June. Meaning I have exactly a week and a before I head off to placement. Meaning I have a week of holiday. Oh but wait! I've decided a week of holiday is wayyy too much time lol -_- I just signed up for a course to do over the week. MEANING no holidays. AT ALL! I've decided to do this because I believe that it will be good for me in the long run. After struggling to do 4 courses this semester I think by doing one during the holiday and only doing 3 courses next semester, I might be able to keep my sanity. Here's hoping. 

Anyway that is the latest update in the life of YAN so fascinating, I know. I promise to have something interesting to talk about in the next post or at least not bore you with my petty little issues. But then again this is my blog so... If you don't like it then GTFO! Yeah! But no seriously, not leave. LOVE ME!!! I don't have many friends :( lol! ^^ 

Love y'all and stay hip 

♡X♡X

Focu.... what was I saying?

Focus Focus Focus!!! *opens up blog*
As per usual I am struggling to focus on my assignment. An assignment to which I requested an extension for. An assignment that is now due in 1.5 days. An assignment that is 2000 words and I currently have 200 words. I call that progress. Not really... lol
And as per usual I have planned to do another all nighter. Hopefully this shall be the last night I go without sleep... for this semester. I can't make any promises about next semester. Oh the joys of final year. I will definitely be a heck of a lot happier when I graduate... If I survive that long.
Other than my lack of sleep and lack of word count, there really isn't anything interesting going on in my life.
The only thing remotely interesting is the TV shows I catch up on when I have time... okay when I'm procrastinating. I just caught up on Vampire Diaries and the season finale was a real eye baller. I was teared up at every second. And even though it is a lot more dramatic than my life, I can't help but make comparisons  Not to the whole vampire, werewolf, doppelganger fact but the fact that they're graduating which was the whole setting of the season finale. It just brought up a melancholic reminiscent feel. And I guess my fears of not graduating just make me feel like I'm going to be left behind. On a happier note, I also caught up with How I Met Your Mother and OH EM GEE!!! the season finale, we finally got to see who the mother was. Now we wait to see how they meet and their first encounter and the SPARK. EEEP I can't wait! My life now revolves around the excitement in a fictional character's life. I'm a tad bit sad, I know.
Officially gonna start my assignment now. I've had all night to do it and I've only opened it and read my introduction. It's a REALLYYY good intro. But now I gotta get a crack a lack in.
TTYL ♡X♡X

Sleep is a luxury

Tonight shall be my fourth sleepless night during this never ending saga of assignments. I have just been tumble weeding with assignments lately. Literally I'll finish one and then I'll have another one to do. There's really no break time in between. And it's not even like I'm trying to get a head start on assignments and I don't wanna take a break. It's legit like I'm struggling getting things in on time and I've been asking for extentions on every single one of my assignments. -_- YAY unilyfe. This current assignment that I due in about 10hours is less than half done, it's super confusing and hard and I hate my life. I've already had 2 no-doz pills and some coffee. I may not survive tonight... I sometimes don't know how I do it. I feel like theres so many simple things in this world that are free and yet are a luxury that I cannot afford, sleep being one of them.
I really should get back to doing my assignment since it's almost midnight and I've made jack all progress on this gay shit.
Hating on life so much right now.
Ttyl... if I don't die first lol
xoxo